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Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Buttons on the Left

Remember those horror stories which granny used to tell you. The ones where the soul of one enters another and does all mischievous things. Many kilometres of celluloid also told similar tales. I always half-dreaded that something like that might just happen to me. Thankfully it never did, until now. Dwaipayan passed on this tag to me, which requires that I imagine myself in someone else's shoes. But mine is an odd size, I didn't feel very comfortable in all the shoes that I tried stepping into. Therefore am performing the rites in an imaginary realm. This infact violates the spirit of the tag, but I as the presiding spirit of this blog can veto out some undesirable spirits.

Since my last few posts focussed on the other half of the species, which we on the darker half cannot comprehend. I will for the purpose of this post defect to the other and possibly more 'interesting' side. But here too I find myself spoilt for options. Women say "All men are the same," but this doesn't stand true vice versa. After some serious segmentation and amalgamation in the age group that interests me, I come to the controversial conclusion that give or take something women can be broadly classified into two broad (but not necessarily all encompassing) categories - the behenji and the babe (I'm already bracing for those hate comments).

Babes are too boring, you know all about them. They are all over the newspapers, magazines and their ultimate home - the idiot box. Whereas, the behenji is an enigma. There exists a lot of untapped potential in there.

If you all aren't wondering what I plan to do as a behenji, I already am. First things first - I'll have a proper look and feel (first hand) of the stuff that men lust after and evaluate whether all that effort is worthwhile? Anyway my observations and understanding will serve no historical purpose, because men will continue to be men.

Second, I'll size up men as Thalassa_Mikra explained (hopefully my preferences will restore to their original self on return). Then I'll go on about the most important mission - putting the babes in their right place. I haven't yet decided on the qualities of the 'rightful' place and the 'how' associated with the act.

I'll also walk into a mall and try to figure out why the women who accompany me to such places waste so much time in choosing a stuff which they didn't want in the first place and also try out the bikinis the King of Good Times likes to see his women in. Walk out of the trial room to get a second, a third (and keep counting) opinion. 'Behenji in a Bikini' would scream an imaginary headline in a city supplement.

I have a lot of other ideas cramping my head but wouldn't like this blog turn out be a Letters from Penthouse replica. I'm after all a bhalo chele (good boy) and I also have to live up to the behenji image. I'll go home and sleep - alone. Not taking any chances. Would want to wake up as an un-pregnant male with no missed periods. Period.

Psst... The untiring always on the walk blogger living in a 4D world has stepped into another new year of his existence on planet earth today.


dwaipayan said...

cool post....but i'd love to get the letters from penthouse replica in my mailbox!!!I'm just trying to figure out how would u look as a bahenji.....oops!!better not visualize

thalassa_mikra said...

Behenjis are enigmatic precisely because there's so much lurking underneath that the world remains oblivious of.

A lot of them are far more sexually active than the babes (who are often surprisingly prudish). Many have amazing bodies underneath those shapeless outfits they wear (hence a bikini trial is a great idea :) ). And behenjis are generally very low maintenance. And when you are transformed into a behenji, you should definitely visit the common room of a girls' college to listen in on the conversation of behenjis, a lot of it about sex and boys.

Ek Anjaan Ladki said...

lol. great stuff ;-)

Accidental Fame Junkie said...

Behenji in a Bikini? Sounds like some title for a b-grade pron movie! :)